Mental Health

Stepping out of Fear

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“Darling, step onto that plane with courage, believing that you have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and of a sound mind. You might have planned your own journey in life, but He is the One directing your steps.” – My mother

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[dropcap]I[/dropcap] overthink, a lot – not great; but I have improved. My future has always been a ‘big deal’ for me and a couple of years ago I was not sure where I was heading. I had a vague idea – I was in a relationship, I was expecting to go to university and I hoped at some stage to get married. But this relationship ended and with it, all my plans.

I had booked flights to move away from home and embrace this idea of “future”. But as I saw the idea disappear, I was full of doubt. With doubt came overthinking, and with overthinking came an overwhelming fear. I only had 14 days left until I had to jump on that plane, and I had no clue of what to do. “Should I just cancel my flight? And if I go, then what? I haven’t heard back from any university?” I could not sleep at night. Every day till my departure was filled with tears and the emotional pain I was going through seemed greater than any physical pain I had ever felt. I am not going to lie; the pain of heartbreak and the fear of my future was significant enough that thought of ending my life crossed my mind.

I believed there is a God – I knew this to be true even through it all. I believed in Him because I knew there was more to life on this earth and this brought me hope; a hope to live and step out in faith.

The day came, and as I was walking up the airplane steps my mind was just analysing all the possibilities, all things that could go wrong and I found myself AGAIN overthinking, not good – fear crept in. I had to step down and quickly think through things. In that second all I had was my luggage and one hundred pounds; then suddenly, as I remembered what mum had just told me before saying our goodbyes, an unexplainable comfort that could only come from my faith that God was there. That comfort and the hope for the future that came with it helped me get on that plane.

That period of my life was a very daunting time that I hope never to experience again, but looking back on it, I can see God’s grace and hand on my life, and would not change a thing.

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