Something Big God Has Done In My Life

Testimony – Part 2

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[dropcap]N[/dropcap]evertheless, while at university I went to a Christian camp called Newday. It was here that I heard Francis Chan give his testimony and talk from Isaiah chapter 6 (in this chapter Isaiah sees and talks with the Lord). It was upon reading this that Francis Chan asked the question “what would happen if you saw the Lord in the state you are in now?” And in my head, I answered that question and the answer was “I would die”. I did not want God to see me in my sinful, vile and wretched state. And so, I decided I must become a Christian, and I prayed profusely and was moved immensely. However, God did not save me that night and I left Newday and went back to my life of sin, as I did not want to give up all that I had, as to me it was a lot of loss. However, I look back now and I realise that this was when the seed was planted, as afterwards my misery in sin increased and my fear of death and hell also increased because I knew the wrong I was doing. And in Christmas holidays I decided to come back to church. Yet I was still not ready to give up the sins and worldly desires that I had.

Then Easter Sunday happened. On Easter Sunday at church two weird things happened. Firstly, I remember us singing a song and the song had the word ‘live’ in it, and I was just fixated on that word. And I said to myself “I just want to live”. The second weird thing that happened was when the preacher said the words “Jesus is alive”. I was amazed by those words even though I had heard them spoken many times before; because I realised if he is truly alive then that means he conquered sin and death, and if he conquered sin and death that means he lived a perfect, sinless life, and if he lived a perfect life he died a sinner’s death by taking all sins and Gods wrath. It stunned me, and for the first time ever in my life it all clicked together and made sense, and I realised he did it all for me!!

Afterwards, I spent the rest of the day in turmoil, because I knew that I had to give up the sins and things of this world that I clung so closely to. The next day I decided to ring my girlfriend and tell her everything, I told her I wanted to follow God fully, not partially or religiously like I had done in the past but fully. We spoke for 7 hours straight that day going back and forth as she and I knew that if I were to follow God, then that would mean we wouldn’t have sex which had been a core component of our relationship; however, by Gods good grace and ceaseless prayer from my family, God kept me. By the end of the 7 hours I ended the call and cried for many hours at the fact we had broken up; but in that very moment of sadness there was a point of gloriousness. It was in that moment when I prayed to God to save me from my sins, and I repented and turned to him, and for a moment my tears went from tears of sadness to tears of joy, and my frown turned upside down to a smile, as I knew my saviour had done it all, and he did it all for me!

You see becoming a Christian and deciding to follow God fully, was the hardest decision I have ever made. However, the decision to follow God is the most important decision one can ever make, for it is the only decision you will ever make in this life that you will carry with you into eternity. You cannot take whoever you decide to marry with you into eternity, you cannot take the career you decide to do in this life into eternity, and you cannot take possessions with you either. If you are reading this and you are not saved, or you are on the fence per se; I plead with you, run to him, and follow him for his words are true and he offers eternal life for you today. On the other hand, for the reader who reads this and knows they are saved, then I plead with you to hold fast to him, to his promises, to his life, death and resurrection, and the hope that is set before us in the form of eternal life with him.

I will be honest I never thought I could say any of these words or have a testimony to say, as I never thought I’d be saved, in fact my sister said to me after I was saved “I thought it was impossible”. I Thank God that nothing is impossible with him!

The “Something Big” that God has done in my life, is SAVE ME!

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Something Big God Has Done In My Life

Testimony – Part 1

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[dropcap]I[/dropcap] was raised in a Christian home. I had Christian parents who everyday told me of the gospel, told me of the love of Jesus and what he had done for me on the cross. I then went to church and heard the exact same thing taught to me. All of which gave me an understanding of the Gospel. From a young age I believed the Gospel to be true 100%, I didn’t really have any doubts about Christianity, I just knew it was true.

However, when I reached the age of about 12/13 it was at this point of my life that I became addicted to Pornography. This sin ruled my life until the day when my saviour saved me. The sin of pornography is a vile and ruthless sin, it is a life sucking, body enslaving, soul destroying sin. I would really like to stress this, pornography really is a life sucking, body enslaving, soul destroying sin. It is a life sucking sin because it is like a parasite that latches on to you and sucks all life, joy and happiness out of you, until you are empty. It is secondly body enslaving because the crazy thing is, once I was empty due to the sin of pornography, I would turn to pornography in the hopes it would give me a sense of wholeness and bring me joy, happiness and pleasure, even though the more that I did the act, the emptier I felt and became. You see I once heard someone describe insanity as doing the same thing again and again expecting different results, so by that definition I was insane! Once the flesh has a taste for it, it will want more of it and it caused me to keep repeating the insanity that I just described. That is sins greatest lie, that it offers so much yet gives so little! Thirdly, it is soul destroying because like all sin without the grace of God and the covering of Christ’s righteousness, through the shedding of his blood, oneself and one’s soul will be destroyed in hell for all eternity.

It was then on the 19th January 2015 that my parents called a family meeting, and in that family meeting they said we were going to move to a new house, a new town, a new life in many ways! I am not going to lie, I wasn’t very happy at all about this! All I could think was I am being torn away from my friends, my school, my church and from my home. And it was at this point that I decided to hit the self-destruct button. If my parents and God, were going to pull me away from everything I held dear, then I would do whatever I wanted and would get all I could out of life. I moved, and I hated it, I hated everything about it, I hated the fact I had to start a new college, I hated having to make new friends, I felt lonely, I hated the church, and all I wanted to do was go back to my old house and life. As I said I hit the self-destruct button and decided to live a life of sin. I started to go to parties and get drunk, take all sorts of drugs and chase girls. This was my life. Additionally, I caused much heartache to my parents, I hated them for taking me away from everything and I hated God as well. I didn’t care for religion or God. I just wanted sin. And the older I got the worse it got, as this sinful lifestyle continued into University, the drugs and drink intake increased, and so did the love of sex and the party lifestyle. Additionally, in my first year at university I got into a relationship which was of course a sexual relationship. However, I still knew that Christianity was true, I still knew in my heart of hearts what I was doing was wrong and it caused much misery to come upon my life. For I knew that if I died I would go to hell and that scared me, and that fear of hell and death continued with me up until my saviour saved me. All I was trying to do was have a sense of wholeness, I wanted to fill the empty void and so I filled it with drugs, drink, sex, pornography, relationships, friends, family and even education.

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Something Big God Has Done In My Life

Something Big God Has Done In My Life

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[dropcap]I[/dropcap] was abused as a child. Emotionally, sexually: someone who should have known better, who should have cared for me, took advantage of their position. It was not a positive experience, and it left a lot of hurt. I suffered from depression for a long time afterwards, and I didn’t trust people enough to get close to them, except a few very close friends.

I don’t want to write about what happened then. I want to encourage you with what occurred more recently. I want to share my story of healing and breakthrough.

It all started when I was at a conference. Someone shared a testimony of how they had been similarly mistreated as a child. They had never shared about it in public before, and they did not really know why they were doing so then. Afterwards, I took the opportunity to talk to them and have them pray for me.

I waited until most other people had left the auditorium. This was a very secret part of my life that very few people knew about. I had kept it hidden. One of the reasons I felt that I could speak to this person about it was that they were a relative stranger – I had never met them before that conference and I might never meet them again.

They prayed for me. As well as sharing an encouragement, they prayed for my healing. One thing that they said was that my healing would be a process. As they prayed, I felt my heart go heavy like a lump of lead. Then it felt just a little bit lighter. The load had started to be taken off.

That has been my experience since then. It has been like taking the onion layers off.

A few months later, I spent some time with a friend. We had been sharing some pretty deep and personal things, and it seemed right to reach out to them and let them know what I had been through. They were sympathetic, and they really understood the effects that the negative experience in my childhood had had on me. They were able to listen to what I had to say, and they gave me some advice that changed everything.

The real breakthrough came when I realised that what had happened was not my fault. That person in my childhood had done something they should not have done – in the eyes of the law I was a victim, and not an offender.

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That realisation broke me. For the first time in a long time, I cried. I was an absolute wreck for days. My inner being was grieving the childhood I had lost.

From there, it was a next step in my healing process to write down everything that had happened. I took a notebook and a pen, and I wrote for hours about my experience. I then asked two of my closest friends to meet me the next day for a bonfire, and we burned my written account. My friends prayed for me, and I felt a huge relief. As the paper burned on the crackling fire, my heart was fluttering and I was free. That symbolic act helped me to move on.

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The real breakthrough came when I realised that what had happened was not my fault.

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Now, I am starting to explore the possibility that I might actually be able to seek a relationship with somebody. The thought still terrifies me a little bit, but God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of ‘power and love and of a sound mind.’ (I Timothy) My experience has led me to rely more on Him, and to realise that purity and wholeness can only be achieved through trusting in His grace.

My encouragement to anyone who has gone through a similar experience is this: Realise that it is not your fault. Seek the help of a trusted friend. Pray with somebody. Forgive your offender. Take steps to move on. It won’t come all at once, but even when you are partly healed from a deeply negative experience it is a huge relief. God is a God who can provide lasting healing from deep pain. He has done it before, and He can do it again. Trust Him. You’ll be glad you did.

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