[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_fullwidth_header title=”Anxiety – An Ongoing Struggle” subhead=”May 4, 2018 | Anxiety” background_layout=”dark” background_overlay_color=”rgba(38,38,38,0.32)” _builder_version=”3.0.92″ background_image=”https://truestoryproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Anxiety-An-Ongoing-Struggle-1.jpg” custom_padding=”200px||200px|” text_orientation=”left” header_fullscreen=”off” header_scroll_down=”off” image_orientation=”center” content_orientation=”center” custom_button_two=”off” button_two_icon_placement=”right” custom_button_one=”off” button_one_icon_placement=”right” /][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.0.92″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_padding=”||1px|”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.0.92″ background_layout=”light”]
[dropcap]I[/dropcap] guess everyone struggles with anxiety sometimes. It’s not always something you notice. Even if you’re aware of other people’s emotions, what they’re thinking about and what they’re stressed about don’t always show. Maybe they’re just very good at covering it up.
For me, I never really got anxious much until I was a teenager. Until then it was only little things. I had a pretty safe upbringing, and the only things I had to worry about were quite small in comparison to other people.
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When I turned about 16, I started to lose that confidence a little bit. There were a lot of big decisions to make: do I ask that person out, what do I want to do when I grow up, where do I want to go to university…. It became too much for me. I took a summer job and I overworked myself. I took it to help someone else out and because I didn’t want to be a burden to my parents. I was desperate not to make a mistake, so I tried to do right by everyone while not really taking care to find out who I was or what it was I wanted to do. I was too busy pleasing everyone else to take the time out and destress me.
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After I moved away from home, I really struggled with the pressure of everything. I became very anxious over just about everything: the flat where I was living, the work I had to do and just about everything else. I couldn’t afford where I was living without getting hugely into debt, so I started to compromise and to punish myself. I tried to live a really self-deprecating life, losing self-confidence at every turn. I wouldn’t dress properly because I felt like a fraud. I felt like people would judge me for being myself, so I tried to fade into the background. Daily life became a struggle.
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It reached the point where I couldn’t make a decision for myself. I would stress out so massively over really small things that I couldn’t decide what food to eat. I didn’t have the courage to speak to anyone or make new friends, and, as I was living in a new place at the time, I didn’t have my normal support group around me.
I started to withdraw. Even when people offered help or tried to reach out to me, I shrunk away and internalised everything. It wasn’t healthy.
Friends came and visited me. They tried to work out what was going on, why I wouldn’t speak to them any more, why I wasn’t smiling. I had become depressed, and the anxiety I felt about everything became overpowering.
The danger is to think that you’re the only one. It wasn’t until some time later that I realised just what a number of other people were going through at the same time. I don’t blame myself for not being able to take care of other people at that point in time – I could barely help myself. I do sometimes wonder, though, what good I could have done for those people.
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A big part of me losing my confidence was that I was losing my faith in God. I didn’t feel Him near me any more. I didn’t trust Him in the way I used to. I tried to take control of everything myself, and it really didn’t work.
Trying to do everything yourself is exhausting. When you try and make every decision a right one, you lose focus on the things that are really important. Life’s not all about getting the big decisions right all the time: it’s about doing what you can with what you’re given. God knows that, He’s a lot more gracious with you than you are with yourself sometimes.
Another danger is to think that no-one else can help. I believe in divine healing, but I only really started to make any progress after I began talking to a few people I trusted about my struggles. There is no shame in talking to someone about it.
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It’s in the moments when I’m alone that I really struggle. One way I try and cope then is to make sure that I have at least one meaningful conversation with a close friend every day. Prayer helps. Reading the Bible helps, but it’s ok to recognise that God has put other people in your life besides Him. It’s ok to ask for their help.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is put one foot in front of another. It’s natural to feel anxious about big decisions, or to worry that you’re making the right choice. God knows that. Jesus had to make an incredibly difficult choice in the Garden of Gethsemane. I’m really glad He chose the way He did. When He put Himself through the cross, it was because He knew what was coming after. The dark night of the soul doesn’t last forever. There will come a time when you look back and wonder what all the stress was about.
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Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t believe the lie that God isn’t there for you. Don’t make yourself guilty over what you feel. It’s all part of being human, and Jesus knows what that is like best of all. Ask Him to help you through, and draw from the healthy relationships He has placed you in. It will come to an end, and you will be glad that you persevered. He will be, too.
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Note from the True Story editorial team: If any of the topics discussed in this or other True Story articles touch you, feel free to write to us.
If you are struggling with depression, however severe, please be aware that there is always medical help available on the NHS.
A free hotline (116 123) operated by the Samaritans is open 24/7, 365 to call and speak to a professional in confidence.
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